the cell phone trembled as the glow flickered on its screen. the ring tone disturbed the silence around. the phone shuddered nervously before she answered it. it was past midnight. she stood there drowned in a shroud of darkness. the fan's motor just accompanied the speechless silence. the orangish glow from the night lamp in the corner made her, a mere contour. she was a 30 something, womanly-to-not-so-motherly features were evident in her appearance. she stood there dumbstruck . the phone slipped from her hand. silence prevailed. deaf to the silence around her,she muttered something and cried to herself. i negotiated it with a baritoned 'what?'. she graced me with a 'he-is-dangerously-ill' whisper.
'who?...where was the call from?...who called you?'
curiosity transformed into questions. there was a flash and then a thunder. i looked outside through the window. dark clouds had encroached the sky. it was pitch dark. i informed 'it's about to rain'.none of these things disturbed her. then she whispered to herself 'my husband ... he is dangerously ill. he..he is admitted in the apollo hospital. someone just called from his mobile'. i continued 'but...but..how?' words betrayed me. i noticed again a photo flash outside - a glimmer followed by a long rolling thunder. it made me speechless. it was pitch dark.
swapna was married to thanaraj and was settled in nungambakam, chennai. her husband worked in a call centre. 'he hardly sees the sunlight.' i'd often comment. i'd even wonder whether they've slept together. she slept her nights alone, when he talked to someone, somewhere, with an identity which she might never know. he slept alone when she taught students, whom he might never know. they were like day and light put together for namesake, i remembered. she had come back home, to MY home, for her vacation.
suddenly, i realized that it was still dark outside. my mind was in tune with the rumbling outside. it hadn't started to rain. then I looked at her, she was still silent. she had sunken into herself.The surrounding, amma, and I made no meaning to her presence. i went into the kitchen to return with a glass of water. i saw her crouched, her legs folded and grasped tightly by her embraced arms. i didn't see her cry but expected her to. i gave her the glasses and initiated slowly, 'Akka, do you.. believe in this message?' after a few seconds of doubtful silence, i disturbed it again.'I think we shouldn't worry about it, so hurriedly. Let us confirm first.' i talked with authority now. i suggested 'Akka, let us call Nambi mama and ask him to check with the hospital.' nambi mama was my sister's father in law. He stayed alone in chennai at kodambakkam. The Apollo hospital was a fifteen minute drive from his residence. she took a minute and replied with a delicate but resolved voice 'i want to go there now.'
by the time she had informed Nambi mama, i was ready in the car, clad in my brown cargos and a sweat shirt. the Jerkin laid untouched in the back seat. she was in her white chudis wearing a black overcoat and her hand bag dangled her way to the car. the clouds were spread as an umbrella, they sprawled across like a mushroom over our head. i checked my watch. it showed the digits 03:18. the road was hardly visible. the lights of the car now into action made the darkness ahead darker as i wheeled it. the dark sky now roared furiously and it warned me to drive faster. and suddenly I hit the breaks as the cloud released theirs. the car jerked. it rained and rained and rained. the road to kodambakkam via anna salai was flodded with water. we floated through puddles, sailed across rushing streams beaten by water-drop-arrows.
we passed the long stretch of marina, waved past higgin bothams, LIC building and the spencers. suddenly she broke the rain-drop-silence. she croaked, ' what did i achieve in my life with this man? i..i..our life was never ours. i don't know how.. how to react to this situation..' she voiced it out loudly and then i remembered her head slide down on my shoulders. i expected her to cry but she didn't. with one hand on the steering, i realized the other being crushed by hers, as I ensured her comfort. It was still raining outside and the tyres ran two hours together. we then saw the rain disappear slowly before us. we reached apollo amidst a mild drizzle.
The clouds were now grey as somewhere far away, the sun was trying.. still trying to pierce in through the dark shroud.
i realized that nambi mama was not present anywhere. Neither was he on the reception nor was he available on phone. i pondered over his absence. it disturbed me. 'patient Thangaraj... yes, he was admitted here last night' - i inquired at the desk. five minutes later, 2 doctors beckoned us into a bright room. as we entered, she winked twice against the bright neon lamps. her eyes were pale red. she hadn't slept the whole night. then came the droning voice of the doctor coated with long lost hope. 'Mrs.Thangaraj...'
her body rustled in response to the name. the doctor continued,'mrs.Thangaraj, we are ... very sorry, we couldn't help. your husband passed away last night. he.. he had a massive cardiac arrest.'
Tears welled in her eyes as it dried away. i noticed blood rush to her cheeks which were pale until then. her lips parted slightly. i expected her to say something. she didn't.
the doctor passed her a form. it was the permission to retrieve his body from the mortuary. she left the room along with the doctors. i stood there silent and confused. the absence of Nambi mama perturbed my mind. a butterfly disturbed my chest. my head screamed aloud as my voice failed.
who called us?
how did they know him?
how did everything happen so suddenly?
above all, where is Nambi mama?
my mind raved with questions -unspoken, unanswered.
i noticed two nurses enter our room and part off the window screens. the sun was out. the dark clouds were nowhere around. the sky was clear. a cool breeze brushed my hair. then I saw my sister's lips curve as she came back from the mortuary after seeing the dead man's face.
the sunlight filled the room as the lights in the room were switched off. it had dawned.
lenny.
foot notes:
swapna- dream in sanskrit.
thanaraj-wealthy king in tamil.
nambi-origin from nambikkai in tamil meaning hope.
mama-uncle.
akka-elder sister.
